C-G-U-M Radio!
*A furry hand adusts the dial to 107.07*
*static clears*
"Ya know, bouncers, I'm not a gummi myself but I've been studying them for years. Real nice folks. Food's _really_ good. And I don't believe for one second that Grammi's cooking is that bad. I mean, they do obviously eat enough, and enjoy it for the most part. Nobody else cooks. I believe it's just mostly Gruffi egging on the older, less tasty recipes that Grammi knows and loves to fix. Well, here at CGUM, we have the opportunity to let YOU, the audience, be the judge! That's right! We have a few of Grammi's recipes right here so get a pencil and paper and be ready after these ... interesting.. messages!"
...*stirring theme music plays, sound of water, shivering, boat horn* "D-d-don't g-give up-p-p, Rr-r-ros-s-s-i!"
"I-I w-w-w-won't-t, J-j-j-ackel-l. I w-w-won't!"
*announcer's voice cut's in* You've seen the film. You bought the soundtrack. Now, own the same monotonous scenes from... GUMMITANIC! Yes, even YOU, the dedicated fan-atic will go nuts watching the same dad-gum, single scene over and over! On this video, the post-iceberg, pre-death to post-death images of Jackal and Rosi's long speach when she should be concerving her warmth can now be yours! Yes! The SAME scene replayed over 12,500 times! And what would you expect this 5-VHS tape set to cost? $2? $4? NO! It can't go for less than $5! $5! $5! Order now! 1(888)gmitanc."
...*Jaws music* (patient #1) "I feel like humans are lurking around every corner waiting to capture me!"
(patient #2) "I think I'm just too gummy sometimes!"
(patient #3) "Would it be okay if I just curled up in your lap and shook uncontrollably?"
(Doctor Calamari) "Aww... Poor people... I have helped every one of them through their own personal crises. I have healed their minds and reduced their bank accounts-- I mean, bad feelings to nothing to bat an eyelash over. It is true! Call Dr. Calamari with _your_ problems and we'll see how much-- I mean, how I can help you!"
"Call Dr. Calamari at 1 (299) 992-2992. (mutters) A $20 charge per minute will be tacked on per call."
"We're back! It's 11:55AM Pac-time on this 26th of July, 2000. A real treat today is a set of recipes said to be straight from Grammi's kitchen! No doubt, these will prove interesting dishes. Although we at CGUM weren't able to finnagle her Asparagus Pie recipe, we do have a little known dish called Chicken and Dumplings Stew, and a real treat: Grammi's Marple Nut Cookies! On with the recipes!
"First, the Chicken and Dumplings Stew. Now, I've tried this one myself. Pretty good!
Ingredients:
2 chicken thighs or equivalent thereof
2 large or 4 small potatoes
1 1/2 tbls salt
chicken boullion
garlic salt
pepper
Dumplings:
5 cups water
2 tsp salt
1 egg
1 cup flour
1/4 cup water
Stew thickener:
make mix of 1/2 to 3/4 cup flour, pinch of pepper, 1tbls garlic salt, 1 tbls chicken boullion.
To make dumplings, boil 5 cups water and mix remaining four ingredients. Should be sticky. Drop by spoonful into boiling water. Boil for 8-10 minutes. They will not look round when done but lumpy. Makes about 6 dumplings. Remove from water and let dry a little in a bowl.
To make stew portion, boil potatoes until done but not mushy. Boil chicken separate and cook fully. Drain potato water, add cold a little passed the last potato (top). Bone chicken, cut it up, and add with the chicken water to the pot of potatoes. Stir. Add thichener and stir well. Modify to taste. Serves at least 4.
Note: this is good soupy but make more thickener as needed. Also, this stew is kinda bland, but true to Grammi's cooking so to spice it up, ya can use almost anything! New spices, vegetables, tabasco... etc.
"Okay! Now for Grammi Gummi's Marple Nut Cookies:
Ingredients:
1 1/3 cups marple nuts (or can substitute with walnuts or almonds, etc.)
2 tsp bitter-root bark (or cinnamon, 'cause it tastes better)
2/3 cup berries (black, boysen, ras, but the different ones changes color of cookies)
3/4 cup butter
1/3 cup cane (white) sugar
1 cup brown sugar
water
1 tbls salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 to 2 eggs
2 cups flour
Mix nuts, berries, bitter root bark, butter, sugars, vanilla and eggs in one bowl. The berries are supposed to get squished good to add flavor and color to the mix. Mix flour, salt, and baking soda in another bowl. Mix dry with wet and stir well. Mix should get a little tough to stir. Drop by spoonfulls onto a cookie tray (greased, buttered, foiled, or non). Cook at 375oC for about 6-9 minutes. Makes 1 1/2 to 2 dozen.
"So there ya have it! Don't forget to call in and give us your opinion on the recipes! CGUM over and out!"
*static*....